Down With the Sickness

Women, as a rule, are the relationship builders and nurturers so we try hard to make things work.  It's extremely difficult to do that when those around us do not appreciate what we do or are so miserable that they resent any one's happiness.  Love for a person is being happy and supportive for the other - not resentful.

I know this because I have been on both sides of  controlling, co-dependent relationships.  It wasn't until years later of much reading, journaling, and soul-searching that I realized the most freeing thing a person can do is let go.  The more we cling and try to control people, the less control we actually have.  Love does not equal jealousy and insecurity.  Once upon a time I thought that the more jealous someone was of me, the more they cared.  No, that just means they're douche. 

Depression was like a silent saboteur in my relationships.  Sleep has always been my drug of choice when Depression sneaks up on me.  It's also one of the first signs to indicate that I am going into a spiral down.  I would take a nap late in the day and sleep through the time I would suppose to be going out, waking up and texting some excuse about not feeling well.  I guess they would put up with it because they knew I wasn't going out with other guys. It also caused me to flake out at times when my children would visit.  I am always so excited whenever the kids would come into town, but sometimes I would just shut down.  Or I would be depressed before their visit and not having the trailer looking it's best and actually wished their trip would be postponed.  What is wrong with that?? Luckily, the kids and I muddled through. Depression has caused many wasted times and relationships.

I hate revising, but I know I am going to have to get working my previous posts.  Please bear with the poor writing and lackluster content.  Some days my humor shows through and others it's dull and decides to hide.  I wasn't going to write today since my daughter and her friend have been down and I just haven't wanted to write, but I forced myself to.  And it shows.  I feel like I can convey my tone in my writing and I can sense some one's tone in their email or text.  Or maybe I'm just crazy.