Good evening from my house on wheels. I went by a health food store after work and picked up some vegan basics - veganaise, sour cream, & cream cheese along with some brown rice syrup and some other things. I fell off the chuckwagon but i'm getting back on. No processed foods, white sugar, high fructose corn syrup, meat, dairy, & eggs. Sounds tasteless and impossible - but I am rising to the challenge and determined to make tasty vegan foods. A dish I made that turned out real good is a black beans, sweet corn, and salsa - heat till warm. I used it as a dip with tortilla chips and it was delicious. I also ate it as a chili. I am going to make it again and top it with my tofutti sour cream. I also got some sprouted grains raisin bread and I'm going to toast it and top it with tofutti cream cheese. My quest is to develop a vegan egg salad. I'll probably work on that this weekend.
I have been coming home tired and headachey all week so far. My period is due Friday, but the way my PMS has been I'm wondering if I am going to be late again. I am never late and more often early, so when I was two weeks late in January that's what got me started researching all things menopausal. I have been stabby, a little murdery, weepy, agitated, ravenous, tired, headachey, and just out of sorts in general last week and again this week. The progesterone cream really helps and when I eat right that helps too. That's why I got the the foods I did so I get back on the vegan chuckwagon.
My son's girlfriend said she will send me pictures of the baby and her with her baby bump. I want to bring photos of her, ultrasound pics of my grandbaby, and the kids to work.
Anxiety. Anxious. I've been having mini panic attacks today. Nothing major and when I start breathing hard I calm myself down before I start hyperventillating. My dinner was brown rice. Calming carbs. And vegan. So it physically and mentally heals me. I don't feel guilty because I'm not eating meat and the rice comforts me. I'll be taking my generic Proac as well. I picked up some herbal tea. Tea is so cozy. I like drinking hot tea even in the summer.
This weekend I am going thrifting with a friend of mine. We're going to start the day off with coffee then go hunting. Then later is another friend's birthday cookout. I'm glad to have some things to do and to go to. I hope it keeps me out of my depression.
What would I love to do? Ideally, write and live in the country. So, instead of going back to school for nutrition I believe I am going to take the same amount of time and write. Revise my books I have started and submit them. I hate revising. It sucks. One of the best feelings is having the ideas pop in my head and I am able to keep writing. It doesn't feel like work and the words just flow. Once I have the ideas down, though, it becomes work and it's not fun anymore. I just realized though, that revising is still better than the work I do now. So....I should work at my writing so I can leave the crappy call center job I have now. And if healthcare reform happens I can go somewhere else too because I do not have to stay for the healthcare benefits. The benefits are almost non-existent so I am creating a new resume so I can start looking elsewhere.
Walking. It would cure a lot of what ails me, so why am I not doing it? I actually enjoy it. I like walking at the trail. I also can tan if I walk the treadmill at gym. So why I am so reluctant? I do not know. Lack of energy? But I would gain more energy if I started walking. I have to get my behind in gear and do it. I will. Soon. I have gained all my ugly, jiggly weight back. I look puffy in pictures. If I start walking now I will have my weight off by Halloween. I WILL go to a Halloween party or event dressed up this year! - 80's style.
I am going to make some of my new tea, put the American version (I've seen the British one) of "being human" dvd in, lie on the heating pad, and cuddle with Moe the cat. My shoulder has been achey this week as well so the heating pad and meds will definitely help. I am learning more about herbs though so eventually I'll be able to use herbs instead of pills.
I'm going to watch CSI first though. I really like Ted Danson's character. He plays a caring and fair boss, family man, and dad.
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